Jump off that Edge — Day 1 Sober 1 January 2023
According to the Gregorian calendar it is New Year’s Day of 2023. Happy New Year to you and thanks for stopping by to read this. Today is the first official day of publicly talking about alcoholism. The struggle with alcoholism and the sobriety journey in the last 4 years.
My life has changed a lot in the last 9/10 years. Have become more aware that my life is all about love. To love everything and anything, it all began with traveling and discovering the spiritual path as a way to healing, health, love and finding meaning and purpose.
This path also brought with it honesty for me. What I term self honesty. To be able to see all of myself even the parts that were difficult to witness. It used to be very tough to see all of me as I was, not as I had tried to project in the world. But truly as I was because when I saw the not so beautiful parts, used to feel so much pain and crushed, it felt like there was something wrong with me.
But in the last few years, have come to see things not as good or bad, just as they are. In seeing parts of me deeply, witnessed the part of alcoholism. I used to love partying, enjoyed fine champagne and really was described as “the life and soul of the party,” until about 10 years ago when all of that stopped being fun. A part of me stopped enjoying the drinking, the partying, and didn’t know why at the time but started drinking less, and became more aware of the issue. It looked like this…
Going out for me meant getting completely drunk, sometimes would loose consciousness and not remember how I made it back home. Lost things and along started to lose my self esteem. Then realized one drink was never enough and it was until I drank myself till I no longer could take it physically, or everywhere and everyone around me stopped/closed.
Alcoholism looks different for everyone from my experience and my work, you will know what it looks like for you when you become honest with yourself. In my experience alcoholics are more talked about in society than alcoholism. Most people that struggle with alcoholism have normal jobs, look “normal” and function in society in a way that the disEASE is not obvious.
Alcoholism seem to be more acceptable than alcoholics because most cases of alcoholism are glorified, supported even sometimes encouraged. Like with glorifying and encouraging fast paced life, alcoholism can encourage people to reveal parts of themselves that they usually will reserve, do things that people will usually not do, and behave in ways that may be beneficial for others. I.e. being the life and soul of the party when truly inside the alcoholism is fueling a part that desperately needs love and attention and doesn’t know how to confidently get it in a world where cruelty is sometimes used instead of compassion. So the alcohol helps the person to get that soulful need in a way that is unhealthy.
Some souls have a need for love and attention, all souls fundamental have a need for love. But some souls in particular have a need for love and attention. It is food for their soul, and not receiving the healthy food the hungry soul will find food however way it can.
So 4 years ago decided to stop drinking alcohol and commit more to the self, the path and the work I have come here to do. It was a tough start, had many panic attacks and wasn’t aware the challenge I was taking on. In the 4 years stopped for over a year, stopped for months but will grab the drink again at some point and the journey will have to start again. The journey has taught me many lessons so far, one is that I need a lot of support on this journey and I am not ashamed to ask publicly for support, and that two this time no matter what it takes I will
BE SOBER
So I ask for your support, drop a comment, advice, anything that will be helpful for me for this journey. I promise to write about this journey as much as I can, all of the experiences in a true honest and authentic manner in hope that by sharing, it can be meaningful for you or help someone you know and encourage myself to keep going.
And if you have your own challenge you are facing, remember to be courageous to ask for the support you need. You may not receive it, but hey there is no harm in trying. Stay strong, you’ve got this.
#queenoluwatobiloba1 #sobriety #sober #alcoholism # doingit #courage #bravery #staystrong
